Anger Amongst Alcohol

 You try to stay sane,

Try to keep quiet,

Try to be what they want you to be,

To that I say fuck it

 

What is life but a troublesome affliction,

Society wants you to do this,

So called loved ones want that,

Neither wants you to have bliss

 

You do everything you can,

Try so hard to please them,

What do they do,

Throw you away on a whim

 

They take advantage of your kindness,

They pray on your weakness,

Gravitate you towards suicide,

Then bring you back, acting selfless

 

Torture is all they know,

How are you to rest,

With all the hatred inside,

With lies they test

 

Why must it be this way,

Don’t they understand,

The love for them so unconditional,

So much that you haven’t a friend

 

Plans you make will disappear,

With a simple phone call,

Everything is alright,

Bullshit is all

 

The images prance around your mind,

Taking care to make the right steps,

The ones that will leave a scar,

Will you survive, perhaps

 

One thing keeps you sane,

Evil they call it, go figure,

Either way it helps the pain,

Sweet, sweet liquor

 

That magic in the bottle,

Takes you away from this planet,

Feeling nothing for nobody,

Turns your aching heart into granite

 

Things are gonna change for you,

Life seems more full,

At least as long as the bottle remains wet,

Oh how fucking cruel

 

No one is to blame but yourself,

You could leave if you wanted,

Start out anew and fresh,

But by memories you would forever be haunted

 

Of the laughter you shared,

Of the late night smiles,

Of the tears you cried,

Love, the green mile

 

My heart feels cold,

Yet I am warm,

The liquor helps the charade,

But the heart bares the toll of the storm

 

Leave me be,

I am not the boy I once was,

Neither am I the man I should’ve been,

All because of humanity’s greatest weakness, lust

 

Fear not, for as Hamlet said,

Conscious does make cowards of us all,

I cannot leave this plane,

For fear of the fall

 

So I leave you now with words of wisdom,

Nay, words of a drunk,

Live life to the fullest,

Never let your heart be sunk

Nightmares

I have been having nightmares lately, which is no big thing because everyone has nightmares once in awhile.  Not me.  I rarely even have dreams and now all of a sudden I am having nightmares, that I remember as well.  I am having them nightly, but for some reason last nights was the most tame but disturbs me and makes me wonder the most.  I am inside the trailer I grew up in, in my old bedroom which had one whole wall made of windows.  I am not a little kid but the age I am now.  I am there alone takling to a friend on the phone.  I grab my jacket and proceed to attempt to exit the trailer but I hear and feel this deep, menacing rumble.  It scrares me so that I slam the door and run to the window.  Lightning streaks across the sky.  Bright, powerful, spider web lightning.  I am frantically talking to my friend when a paticular strike lights up the night sky, followed by a rumble that shook me down to my soul.  The lights go out across the trailer, leaving it darker than I have seen.  I look out to see if the other houses on the street were without power but I was the only one in the dark.  That’s when I felt the prescense behind me.  It was like no other that I have ever felt.  It was dark and menacing.  It wanted to take me, wanted me to give in, wanted me to be it.  I started panicking, started to ask my friend where my flashlight was at but realized this is my house, I know where it is.  That’s when I saw the light.  That little light, the flashlight was already on waiting for me to grab it.  I ran over grabbed it and rushed over to the light switch hoping beyond hope that the lights would return apon flipping it.  To my surprise, the lights came on and everything was alright.  That’s when I woke up and sweating and wave of relief washed over me.  I am not sure how to take it because I am not used to analyzing dreams because like I mentioned before I rarely ever remember a dream let alone a nightmare.  It seems to me that there is something inside of me, something trying to claw its way out.  Deep down inside I want it, I need it, I welcome it; but there is apart of me, the child that keeps it at bay.  How long can the child in me hold back the darkness that is so inviting, so cunning?  The lightning to me was the darkness inside smiling, flashing me it’s evil grin; the thunder was it’s laughter, knowing that soon I will not be able to resist it.  I have been having nightmares every night for about a week now and only getting a couple hours sleep at a time.  I am not going to be able to go back to sleep today, only had three hours.  Well tell me what you guys think, mabey I am reading to much into this.  Until next time, be careful and take it easy.

The Whistle

In the distance,

Almost out of ear shot,

You can hear it,

It ignites thought

 

Dead of night,

The whistle of a train,

Cold wind envelopes you,

You cannot hide the pain

 

That peircing whistle,

On the lonely, cold, dark tracks,

Here one minute; gone the next,

Into the shadows the night pulls it back

 

No one understands your tears,

No one can wipe away the stain,

Under the heavens so dark,

Tears fall like rain

 

Your heart sinks,

Your soul breaks,

Throat so tight not even a whimper escapes,

Madness takes

 

You listen for the whistle,

The only one that comprehends,

Your only salvation,

Is the lonesome call it sends

To Give Up

Death comes to us,

Mostly we fear it,

Like we would a speeding bus

 

There are times when we don’t,

When that is not the case,

Then at death we trot

 

In that moment,

We are the pursuer,

With open arms we consent

 

To death we say,

I’m done, no more,

Bring the night to our day

 

Take us from our woes and agonies,

On our knees we beg; we plead,

Save us from this tale of tragedy

 

Cry not for our loss,

It is our choice,

To fly away like the albatross

Day 2 of Hell

Well today was the second day of her being gone and it hasn’t gotten any easier.  I am tired and need to go to bed and will after I post this and a poem in the next poem.  Today at work wasn’t too bad just long and boring.  Getting slow at work so things have almost come to a stand still but not quite.  Well this is a short post so just read my poem if you dont mind.

Day 1 of Hell

Well actually today is Day 2 of hell because my wife went on vacation yesterday but today is first full day with her away. Went to bed early last night, very tired I was. It is really quiet around here with her gone. I don’t know what to do. I mean I am going to work but other than that I have nothing. Going outta my mind just sitting here. Probably should play a video game to take my mind off of things. I mean it’s like dead around here. No noise at all except for the sound of the refrigerator running. Well I will get off here now & try to find something to do. As always follow me on Twitter at Dr_D_Banner.

You want me to do what?!

Again my little blog/twitter monkeys I am back for another exciting episode of Blue Collar Ramblings.  In this episode we find out that Bobby, played by himself, gets super-human powers.   Now when ever he gets angry he gets a hard cock that can now beat a man to death!  No not really but that would be pretty awesome except I would rather beat a woman with it.  Now on to other pressing matters like work.  I recently got my old work attitude back to where I get pissed off easier and dont give a fuck anymore.  I am going to dis-continue my medicine which is generic Zoloft.  When they tell you possible side effects could be bouts of depression or suicide they arent fucking kidding.  My medicine has been working against me for about two months now but seriously couldn’t do that anymore.  I think that I would rather just be pissed off and deal with life the regular way than be more fucked up in the head than I already am.  Like I said in my last post I will be home by myself for ten days while my wife goes on vacation with her family.  This is the longest time we’ve been apart in our six year marriage.  I am going to miss her dearly but kinda looking forward to having a week by myself.  We got married straight outta high school so I never knew life on my own, so that is kinda intriguing, but more likely will be very lonely.  I am gonna hang out with some friends and just try and have  a good time.  I wanna take this time to thank everyone who has read my blog or follow me on twitter (Dr_D_Banner).  Well that is enough rambling for now talk to yall later.

Press 3 for dick

Well here I am again my lil monkeys. I bought Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Tuesday morning at 12:01am at the midnight sale at Best Buy and since then have beat the game on Hardened difficulty then went back and beat again on Veteran difficulty. I wouldve done it on Veteran to begin with but honestly didn’t think I could do it but mabey on a couple of levels. So I beat it on Hardened first because unlike most people I play the story mode in games first before I jump into multiplayer. It is better than the first Modern Warfare which to be honest is something I didn’t think they could do. One thing I do have a problem with is the level cap at 75! This is ridiculous first Modern Warfare was at 55 level cap then WAW went to 65 level cap, now this! I know they are just making sure people play it more by raising it but that sucks ass. Ok now that is out if the way how have y’all been? I have been working just a regular 40 hours a week nothing more. I haven’t been up to much besides working and playing MW 2. Come December 3rd through the 10th I will be home by myself while my wife goes on vacation with her family. Don’t know what i’m gonna do during that time but I’ll figure something out. This will be the first time in our six year marriage that we’ve been apart so it will kinda be a chance for us both to find ourselves without the other one. So on that note until next time goodbye and remember to follow me on Twitter at Dr_D_Banner.

Just a ramblin

Well fellow readers this will be no poetry, no short story, no drunken mindless yammering, just a good ol fashioned entry. I have been doing well and have enjoyed being back at work without all the stress I recently went through for a year (see previous posts to find out about it). I actually enjoy work again! I am going to buy Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 for XBOX 360 this week. I cannot wait it will be awesome! Unfortunately there are two more games coming out within the next two weeks that I also wanna get. The next big game I will get will be Left 4 Dead 2. I am going to get that game because the first one was so freaking bad ass. There is also a new Dragonball Z game coming out that I will definately get. Switching gears to TV, Smallville and Supernatural were great episodes this week. Every year both of these shows continue to wow me with great stories. Smallville this year, which is in their 9th season, I don’t know what they are doing differently this year from others but their special effects this year are so amazing sometimes I feel like I am watching a movie. Supernatural on the other hand is in their 5th season and their story line has gotten deeper and deeper but still having fun without dragging you down too much. Well I am getting off of here for now fellow readers/bloggers. Talk to you later and as usual remeber to follow mr on Twitter at Dr_D_Banner.

Within Turmoil

This is me,
This is my soul,
Love me or hate me,
Will you share my toll

I’ve danced in the rain,
I’ve hid from the sun,
Whether or not you think me crazy,
There are deeds that can’t be undone

Now you’ve seen me,
Now you know my torture,
Come fly with me on wings of pain,
Life can be a great overture